i been told i experienced many traumas and stuck in a negative loop.
its true lot of very serious and bad stuff happened.
have sudden extreme low mood episodes. puts me to look at the floor and think for 20 minutes straight.fixated.

it sounds stupid and silly but it is crippling for anyone who experiences it. it prevents me from doing work or anything.
if you don't experience it, it probably sounds stupid.
i cannot drink alcohol or take any kind of stimulant because will make it 50 times worse. if not the comedown.

RN i just took a benzo and some tramadol and put loud music. but i think already many months the tramadol it is having little effect.
i don't have a script for anything but my friends are basically a underground pharmacy
then i will go away from the computer for some while take shower, 2 pushups (i am huge guy) go into aggressive mode feed the cat and clean the chimney

i think the key to this is not any medicine or drugs, but it requires very big lifestyle changes. big decisions, big changes,
something stronger may help but only temporary. benzo does not help mood unless is a xanax i believe gives some euphoria
from what i seen, experienced and seen in other people with similar problems, the life you live needs to be enjoyable and meaningful to get out of this kind of loop.